“Magical, “Wonderful”, “Blooming”, “Glowing”; These are all words that are frequently used to describe pregnancy and pregnant women. Whilst those words might apply for some of the long nine months, for many women, the Third Trimester, particularly the later weeks, are far from magical, as aches and pains, indigestion and constipation, and sleeplessness take hold.
Instead of feeling as though you are glowing, you feel exhausted, in pain, and your entire diet consists of Gaviscon and ice cream. And, don’t get us started on the unhelpful daily phone calls from family members asking if you have gone into labour yet.
Still, you smile and pretend all is well, because pregnancy is supposed to be magical, right? You end up with an amazing gift that is worth the nine months of pain. That’s what everyone tells you anyway, so you keep those less than positive thoughts to yourself.
1) Baby Movements
“Get your foot off my rib bone RIGHT NOW or you are going straight on the naughty step when you get out.”
2) Labour Fears
“Not sure what I’m dreading most, labour pains or the inevitable visit from the in-laws that will follow.”
3) Surrogacy
“I can’t believe women willingly go through this multiple times as surrogates.”
4) Symptom Confusion
“Not sure if I’m in labour or if I just really need to do a poo.”
5) Housework
“I can’t get down there to pick that up off the floor because I may never be able to get back up again.”
6) Wardrobe Problems
“It doesn’t count as a pyjama day if the only clothes I have that fit are pyjamas.”
7) Time Up
“Can I serve an eviction notice on an unborn child?”
8) Indigestion Woes
“Would it be ok if I drank this entire bottle of Gaviscon in one go?”
9) Unwelcome Questions
“What kind of question is Are you excited? How can I be excited about squeezing something the size of a melon out of something the size of Ping-Pong ball?”
10) Mobility Problems
“I feel so much pressure down there that if I have to walk much further I think this baby might actually just fall out.”
11) Parenting Techniques
“I know I always said I’d never parent 1st child by remote control but, sod it, I’m getting Netflix because I know the continuous Peppa Pig episodes mean I can spend more time on the sofa.”
12) Nesting Instinct
“Even though that cupboard has not been opened in three years I MUST CLEAN IT NOW or the world might end.”
