12 Secret Thoughts Women Have in the Third Trimester

Pregnant woman

“Magical, “Wonderful”, “Blooming”, “Glowing”; These are all words that are frequently used to describe pregnancy and pregnant women. Whilst those words might apply for some of the long nine months, for many women, the Third Trimester, particularly the later weeks, are far from magical, as aches and pains, indigestion and constipation, and sleeplessness take hold.

Instead of feeling as though you are glowing, you feel exhausted, in pain, and your entire diet consists of Gaviscon and ice cream. And, don’t get us started on the unhelpful daily phone calls from family members asking if you have gone into labour yet.

Still, you smile and pretend all is well, because pregnancy is supposed to be magical, right? You end up with an amazing gift that is worth the nine months of pain. That’s what everyone tells you anyway, so you keep those less than positive thoughts to yourself.

1) Baby Movements

pregnant woman with angry bird

“Get your foot off my rib bone RIGHT NOW or you are going straight on the naughty step when you get out.”

2) Labour Fears

elderly woman with mouth taped closed

“Not sure what I’m dreading most, labour pains or the inevitable visit from the in-laws that will follow.”

3) Surrogacy

surrogate mother

“I can’t believe women willingly go through this multiple times as surrogates.”

4) Symptom Confusion

Pregnant woman possibly going into labour

“Not sure if I’m in labour or if I just really need to do a poo.”

5) Housework

Woman making child clean

“I can’t get down there to pick that up off the floor because I may never be able to get back up again.”

6) Wardrobe Problems

pregnant couple holding children's pajamas

“It doesn’t count as a pyjama day if the only clothes I have that fit are pyjamas.”

7) Time Up

eviction notice pregnant woman

“Can I serve an eviction notice on an unborn child?”

8) Indigestion Woes

Pregnancy symptoms

“Would it be ok if I drank this entire bottle of Gaviscon in one go?”

9) Unwelcome Questions

Frustrated husband next to pregnant wife with backache

“What kind of question is Are you excited? How can I be excited about squeezing something the size of a melon out of something the size of Ping-Pong ball?”

10) Mobility Problems

pregnant woman in pain

“I feel so much pressure down there that if I have to walk much further I think this baby might actually just fall out.”

11) Parenting Techniques

cute little girl having remote control and watching tv

“I know I always said I’d never parent 1st child by remote control but, sod it, I’m getting Netflix because I know the continuous Peppa Pig episodes mean I can spend more time on the sofa.”

12) Nesting Instinct

pregnant woman organising

“Even though that cupboard has not been opened in three years I MUST CLEAN IT NOW or the world might end.”