Yeah, yeah, we all know how we’re not supposed to let our children watch too much television. We have all read how if we let our precious babies watch more than two-minutes and thirty three seconds of television per day then they will be destined to fail every GCSE going and be considered as “THAT Child” by every teacher they encounter.
BUT, when we’re safely away from the prying eyes of Judgy-Pants-Mum who we met at the local NCT group, then we switch that brain-busting box on with glee, safe in the knowledge that it will give us at least 20 minutes of whine-free time. However, when you find yourself unable to sleep at 3am because you can’t remember if the Peppa song is “Bong Bing Boo” or “Bing Bang Bong” then maybe you’ve been exposed to a bit too much children’s television.
1. You Have Forgotten Everything You Learnt In School But You Can Name 30 Dinosaurs Thanks To Andy Day
And, you got ridiculously excited when you found out that the Natural History Museum had made Andy’s clock into an exhibit.
2. You’ve Had The Theme Tune From Waffle The Wonder Dog In Your Head For Two Months
You sing it in the shower, in the car, when you’re cooking dinner. All together now, Waaaafle Doggy! Waaaafle Doggy!
3. You’ve Planned Your Dream Around The World Trip Based On Places The Go Jetters Have Visited
Unfortunately, you can’t have Ubercorn as your own personal tour guide.
4. It Still Bothers You Greatly That The Children Who Played Topsy & Tim Were Not Actually Twins
Seriously though, how hard can it be to find a pair of twins who can act reasonably well? The Harry Potter franchise managed it!
5. You Have Spent Several Hours Debating The Role Of Train Drivers In Thomas The Tank Engine With Your Friends
It’s the philosophical debate that rages across toddler groups. Do the engines really have free will if there is a driver involved? Are the trains some sort of slave labour force?
6. Your Celebrity Crushes Mostly Consist Of CBeebies Presenters
You have discussed extensively with your Mum friends over which presenter is the best looking. Obviously, it’s Ben but there is that one weird friend who prefers Justin Fletcher.
7. You Regularly Find Yourself Quoting Paw Patrol Catchphrases
“What’s that sweetie, you want a snack? Mummy is on the case! Ready for action!”
8. You Are Deeply Worried About Ocean Plastics, Not Because Of David Attenborough, But Because That’s Where Captain Barnacles Likes To Hang Out
You’ve made a conscientious effort to reduce your use of single use plastics because you’re worried about Sandy the sea turtle.
9. Forget The Classic Rainbow Song, You Now Remember The Order Of Colours Thanks To The Rainy-bow Song On Bing
”Pretty purple, indigo, blue and green, and bright yellow.”
10. Even Though Everyone In Your Family Has Individual Netflix Profiles, Your Own Personal Profile Still Has Blaze & The Monster Machines As Suggested Viewing
You consider it a good educational resource for understanding the basics of physics.